is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
