Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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