Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize