there was a trapeze. enough said
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
