i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize