Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
