Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
