i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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