I hate your face
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
