I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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