It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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