you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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