i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
