Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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