Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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