Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
