Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
