Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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