if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
