why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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