i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize