I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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