We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
