He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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