he puts the penis in happiness.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
