We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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