mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
