Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
