he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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