just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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