the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
