i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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