somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize