The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
