My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
