Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
