i permit you to call me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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