as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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