Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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