I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
