You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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