woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
