She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
