the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
