so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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