Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
