I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
