I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
