I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My life is pants optional.
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