my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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