I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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