need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
