I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
