I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize