My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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