You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
