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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm bleeding and have questions
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