I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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