McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
