ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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