A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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