put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
