Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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