And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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