Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
