i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
