he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
