actually, I'm a sock model
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
