I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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