I just saw a hot homeless man
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
