dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
