Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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