Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
