My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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