I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
