if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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