I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
