so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
