Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize