Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
