I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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