I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
