Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
