I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
