Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
