Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We have started to decorate penises.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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