It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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