He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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