I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
