Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
