The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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