the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
