Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want to make out with him forever
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
