He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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