quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
