I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
