sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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