moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
