Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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