Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
