so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
